MEMO

TO: All managers
FROM: Brewster Munson
SUBJECT: Managing heat-related questions

It has come to my attention that some employees are using the weather as an excuse to challenge the corporate dress code.  This memo provides guidance in dealing with employee questions while upper management considers this matter further.

Suggested responses to typical employee questions:

Q:  Will the company relax the dress code during the heat wave?

A:  A few 100-plus days does not constitute a "heat wave."  The weather pattern of the last three weeks is simply a seasonal temperature variation, or STV.  There is no provision in the dress code for STVs.

Q:  Is it possible to lower building temperatures?

A:  Unfortunately, the STV is not confined to our city.  Regional power shortages and brown-outs prevent us from applying more electricity to climate control systems.  (Note to senior executives:  these restrictions do not apply to the top three floors of the Headquarters Tower, but this fact need not be widely disseminated.)

Q:  Can employees bring small fans to work for use in their cubicles?

A:  Due to increased fire risk, non-company electrical devices (such as fans and radios) may not be connected to cubicle outlets.  On a bright note, human-powered (paper) fans bearing the corporate logo will be available at a modest price from the company gift shop.  We expect the first shipment to arrive from Shanghai in 4-8 weeks.

Q:  Can male employees wear short-sleeve shirts?

A:  Long-sleeve shirts are an important part of the company's professional image, and must remain so regardless of STVs.

Q:  Some offices are reporting 90-plus temperatures.  Can employees remove ties, or at least loosen them?

A:  A loose tie is worse than a missing tie; a missing tie is a violation of the corporate dress code.

Q:  Why does the company even have a dress code? Most of our employees have no contact with outside customers.

A:  The dress code defines who we are within the company, and has since 1934.

Q:  When can we expect the dress code to be relaxed?

A:  The dress code has already been relaxed.  In 1954, we made vests optional.

Q:  Some managers are reporting that their employees arrive for work with mild cases of heat exhaustion.  What can be done?

A:  Employees should be encouraged to turn up the air conditioning in their vehicles.  For example, my Mercedes has a maximum cool/recirculate setting that does the job nicely.  Managers should check that employees are using the "recirculate" setting.

Q:  Our building has no drinking fountains.  Can we purchase bottled water and coolers?

A:  Bottled water is an expensive non-necessity requiring extra maintenance.  Providing free water to employees could adversely impact the 401K program.  (Note to senior executives:  this paragraph does not apply to the Senior Executive Lounge.)

Please remind all employees that, while temperatures are up, so are our stock prices.  We can't allow minor problems to detract from a record earnings period.