Munson Memo: Squishy Footballs - from Brian Dean Humor

MEMO

TO: All employees
FROM: Brewster Munson
SUBJECT: A Safety Hazard

Recently, someone distributed foam rubber footballs as a "stress relief device."

These footballs represent a serious safety hazard. If you have one, please heed these basic safety rules:

1. Do not run with the football. You may trip over something, or run head-on into a wall or post (something safety professionals call "road runnering").

2. Do not throw the football. You may put someone's eye out. (You computer types are notorious for not wearing your safety goggles.)

3. Do not chew or eat the football. Although the football is made of non-toxic foam rubber, the white lacing is a highly-poisonous lead compound.

4. Do not play touch football with the football. Apart from the obvious running dangers (see Rule 1), you may be tempted to violate Company Policy 26-12a, "High Fiving, Prohibition Against."

imploding football animation 5. Do not compress the football beyond its design limits. Squeezing the football too tightly can cause it to implode without warning. If this happens, your fingers could be fused together by the extreme heat of the implosion, thereby negating the stress relief benefits.

Remember: Safety is Everyone's Business BM signature