To all employees

Subj: Birthday celebrations, canceling   modification of

A birthday is a wonderful, private event, designed to be shared with ones family, at home. However, when celebrated in the workplace it distracts employees, reduces productivity, and raises issues of age descrimination.

Therefore, efective immediately, all birthday celebrations on company property will cease. Company-produced posters and balloons will be discontinued, and employees may not bring these materials to the workplace. or face dismissal

Birthday cakes fall into the category "non-vended or served foods." This means they are prohibited by company policy xxx. (look it up, Lucy)

Although no company policy specifically prohibits employees from singing, it should be obvious that singing the Happy Birthday Song is a disruptive and annoying non-professional activity.

Finally, there is a solid business reason for this decision.

Currently, all employees receive a birthday poster for their outer office cube wall. Employees Grade 16 and above also receive a balloon. These items are greatly overpriced not without cost.

It has come to my attention that expenses for birthday celebrations have exceeded budget projections by 14%. If continued, this trend would seriously impact more important benefits, such as the 401K program.

Let's all work together to make our working environment more professional and less frivelous productive.

Memo #2: the JERC program (to grade 35 and above)

For some time now, your superiors upper management has been creating considering a compensation program for junior-level executives similar to what

As you know, our CEO receives frequent periodic bonuses in the form of company stock. Senior VPs also receive stock bonuses plus free world travel on the executive jet

I take great pleasure  I am pleased to announce  We will soon begin a new program for managers, something we call Junior Executives Receiving Compensation.

This program is designed to reward outstanding selected executives by including them in the stock bonus compensation plan.

We can't decide yet  We are awaiting legal review, so I can't comment on details now  at this time. I can assure you this program will go a long way toward solving our turnover problem   ensuring maximum staffing projections.

Basically,  The underlying concept is to identify men individuals who have reduced costs  positively affected operating perameters, and recognize their contributions to the stockholders  company.

Staff reductions are only one way to

Unlimited   Many opportunities exist for junior executives, and the Junior Executives Receiving Compensation scheme program is one of the ways   a way we can demonstrate our acceptance of   comittment to   faith in those who will lead our company in the 21st century.