The Lost MMPI Questions
For Entertainment Only
When you were in school, you may have been asked to take a psychological test called the MMPI. What the initials stand for has been lost to history (says he, trying to avoid a lawsuit), but MMPI is thought to be an abbreviation for Mild Mannered People Inquiring.
When the original test was released, it was missing two pages of questions. It seems a typist finished typing the questions and was ready to send them to the campus printer. The typist placed the stack of questions on top of a file cabinet and went to lunch. The window was open and a gust of wind blew two pages off the stack. The pages landed behind the file cabinet and could not be found or reproduced before the printing deadline.
Then one day in 2022, a janitor moved the file cabinet and discovered the lost pages. The janitor was a psychology student and recognized the format of the questions. He took the lost pages to the head of the psychology department, but the test was too well-established to be changed.
The lost MMPI questions are reproduced here as a public service.
Test Instructions
• Make a letter X in the T (true) or F (false) blank space. No other marks, including question marks (?) and exclamation points (!) will be scored.
• If you are uncertain of your answer, or can't decide between the alternatives, leave both answer spaces blank. Do not try to erase the question or cross it out.
• If you think both answers are correct, mark both T-F spaces with a letter X (Note: if you do this, you will be assigned a high score in the Confused category.)
• Use a black or blue pen—pencils, crayons, or blood droplets will not be recognized.
• This test has no time limit. You must finish the test, even if your companion animal or invisible friend leaves before you finish.
• Once you hand in your completed test, you may not change any answer(s), even if you believe your medication has worn off.
Begin the Test Now
NOTE: The following questions are not part of the real MMPI. These are for entertainment only.
T __ F__ Sometimes I swallow my own saliva.
T __ F__ If I lose my Name tag, I'll lose my soul.
T __ F__ I'm afraid the Tooth Fairy will come after teeth that haven't fallen out yet.
T __ F__ Sometimes my belt tightens all by itself.
T __ F__ I'd like to be on the TV news, as a victim.
T __ F__ At Christmas, I hear Satanic messages in the carols.
T __ F__ I'd like to have a rabid wolf as a companion animal.
T __ F__ Sometimes I feel my back teeth coming loose.
T __ F__ Late at night, my toaster tells me it doesn't like being cleaned.
T __ F__ At times I smell strange odors and it isn't the cat box.
T __ F__ I think my new friend is really Satan.
T __ F__ Gun ownership is a harmless pastime.
T __ F__ Elevator music is trying to hypnotize me.
T __ F__ At times my upper lip becomes wet without my noticing.
T __ F__ I experience violent impulses when I wear red socks.
T __ F__ Red is my favorite color.
T __ F__ I am afraid of my femur.
T __ F__ I unroll toilet paper in public restrooms.
T __ F__ I have obscene tattoos under my skin.
T __ F__ I'm afraid the Tooth Fairy will ask for the money back.
T __ F__ I see dead people at the dog park.
T __ F__ TV psychics are 100% accurate, but they don't tell you the really sick stuff.
T __ F__ I cheer for the monster in horror movies.
T __ F__ Movie popcorn will rot my brain, but I eat it anyway.
T __ F__ People who sell used cars are vampires.
T __ F__ Midnight TV commercials wake the dead.
T __ F__ Someone is trying to poison me with vended sandwiches.
T __ F__ I trust all politicians.
T __ F__ Aliens tend a garden in my back yard.
T __ F__ I wish I were bothered by more thoughts of sex.
T __ F__ Sometimes I feel a strange hand under my pillow and it isn't the Tooth Fairy.
T __ F__ I enjoy crushing dozens of helpless ants.
T __ F__ The ants are planning revenge.
T __ F__ I have an imaginary dog, but the droppings are real.
T __ F__ Sometimes I pretend I'm in a deodorant commercial.
T __ F__ The Devil makes me sing atonal music.
T __ F__ I want to do terrible things to a vending machine.
T __ F__ Microwave ovens are man's link to the space people.
T __ F__ Steven Wright is the planet's greatest philosopher.
T __ F__ Not this planet.
T __ F__ My dreams are interrupted by commercials for personal hygiene products.
T __ F__ Evil spirits ride in my car pool.
T __ F__ Whimsy eludes me, but Anxiety walks me home.
REMEMBER: This was not a real test. If you are actually seeking psychological help, please consult a qualified mental health professional.
NEXT: The Blip on the Chip