Brian Dean Humor

A Sample from Ram and Rom Stomp Kyoto

Ram and Rom Stomp Kyoto cover

ASCII  The sound made by a sneezing computer, i.e. one with a virus.

COMPUTER CRIME   An assault performed by a hacker, as opposed to a slasher.

DOMAIN NAME   A humiliating pseudonym assigned to a customer by a domainatrix.

E-MAIL   Short for Ethereal Mail, a means of communicating with spirits (as opposed to celebrating with spirits).

FLASH MEMORY   The recollections of an exhibitionist.

GRAMMAR CHECKER   A program that examines a writer's text for sins and recommends the correct syntax.

HELP DESK   A place you call when your computer breaks and you want to know what the weather is like in India.

INTERNET   A source of infinite knowledge, a collection of useless and inaccurate information, a pornocopia of smut.

KINDLE   An e-book reader that uses “e-paper” i.e. paper than cannot be used to make an airplane.

LOW LEVEL LANGUAGE   Expressions used when the computer breaks.

MEMORY STICK   What happens when you can't get a commercial jingle out of your mind.

ONLINE DATING   A blind date arranged by a computer that knows less about you than your sister.

PROXY SERVER   An replacement server who takes your order while your server goes on break.

RAM   One of a pair of hideous flying reptiles from the 1951 Japanese monster movie Ram and Rom Stomp Kyoto.

SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE   1. A website that answers the burning question, “What are my friends doing instead of working?” 2. Computer-aided narcissism.

TREE STRUCTURE   A logical system for computer programming that gives rise to such expressions as, “up a tree” and “out on a limb.”

UTILITIES   Monopolies that use sophisticated computers to produce errors in phone, gas, and electric bills.

VOICE RECOGNITION   The ability of a dog, cat, or computer to recognize its master's voice. Dogs and computers recognize voices and respond in a pre-programmed manner; cats recognize voices and ignore them.

WWW   One of the words used in a Field Sobriety Test.

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